Margaret, Meet Lizzie

I started off heavy. I know that. What was I thinking? Launch right into the most depressing novel of the entire century. Liken myself to the biggest doormat ever. Would Lizzie Bennet ever be a doormat? Nay! I say nay!

I don’t want to skip Elizabeth Gaskell entirely. One day when I am tackling The Scary Mary Factor (that’s my mom), I’ll get into Gaskell’s Wives & Daughters. But for today, let’s jump straight into her totally addictive and swoony North and South.

N&S (Pet names for books! I am all astonishment!) is the exotic stepchild of nancy-romancy Jane Austen and wink-nudge-tubercular-cough-Charles Dickens. If I dared say that on one of the literary-purist message boards I used to frequent, I’d get my hand slapped right off my keyboard. Come to think of it, I have had my hand slapped on a few occasions. Is it a crime to liken Little Women to Goodfellas? I think not. And I thought they were going to swat me to death with their parasols when I asked what planet they were from that they actually believed that Mr. Knightly was a virgin when he married Emma. As if! Knightly, in any manifestation, was a total magnet. Austen just doesn’t mention it outright. But you know she was hip to it.

Gaskell’s heroine, Margaret Hale, is a parson’s daughter. The parson and his Dickensian-frail wife used to live a genteel, halcyon life at the very comfortable parsonage in Helstone, in Hampshire (The South). Life was filled with filtered sunlight and slow-mo-family-scene docile domesticity. Good manners and tea sets. And hankies. Mr. Hale has a crisis of faith and leaves the church, dragging his family away from their Hallmark existence to hi-def drudgery in Milton, an industrial town in (say it with me) The North. They all have a very hard time adjusting to: gray skies, smudgy factory smoke, gritty evidence of the lower classes! Right there! On the sidewalk! Very Dickensian.

The Big Synecdoche occurs when Margaret meets the darkly tempestuous, brooding, rough-around-the-edges, Mr. Thornton, who is “master” of the biggest mill in Milton. Thornton becomes Mr. Hale’s private pupil, studying the works of Plato and Aristotle. Margaret despises Thornton for what he symbolizes (see above…gray, smudgy, gritty, etc.)

Can we stop the tape right there? Margaret. What are you even thinking? This man has a killer job, studies classical Greek, has countless black cutaway coats, myriad foxy cravats, and that delicious working class accent.

He battles his attraction for her! He cannot help himself! He proposes marriage! “In vain have I struggled: It will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Did you see that? I quoted Mr.Darcy’s proposal to Lizzie Bennet from Austen’s Pride & Prejudice without even looking at the text. And just like Lizzie Bennet, Margaret Hale refuses the impassioned proposal. And just like Mr. Darcy, following this refusal, Thornton blindly walks the streets in fevered (!!) confusion.

Margaret Hale, I’d like you to meet Lizzie Bennet.

LB: So Margaret. You turned down a marriage proposal from that smoldering Mr. Thornton. I’m blown away. Y U so crazy?
MH: I don’t love him!
LB: We 19^th Century literary heroines never do…at first. It sneaks up on us. Or you do, but you are denying it because you are repressed. I don’t actually believe that repressed theory, but lots of people who read these books do. My advice to you is to say “yes” now and trust that your author will write you head over heels into love/lust with this guy. Trust.
MH: But he is North and I am South! He is in trade and I am genteel! He beats down his workers and I watch him beat them down in pretty, dewy-eyed horror! His features are pointy and mine are misty like a Hallmark card or a Doris Day movie!
LB: Look. He is not hiding anything. He’s straight up. He hasn’t badmouthed your sister to her boyfriend, effectively breaking them up…
MH: But I don’t even have a sis…
LB: It’s a metaphor, OK? Let it go.
MH: Well, OK, but …(whispers) lust? Are you sure?
LB: Hello, where are you? Have you seen this guy? Have you not read the description in the book? Did you not watch the BBC miniseries? He’s off-the-hook! You parsons’ daughters lace your corsets too damned tight. It’s cutting off the circulation.
MH: But he’s always grouchy and angry!
LB: He’s grouchy and angry because it’s the Victorian era and nobody is getting laid regularly. It’s a national dry spell. A celibacy epidemic. Haven’t you noticed that nobody is smiling?
MH: Well, you seem pretty happy.
LB: Honey, have you met my husband? Listen. All any of these Brooding 19^th Century Literary Men need is the love of a good woman and a regular income without actually having to put their shoulders to the wheel. It’s all in the book. You can skip entire tortured chapters of both of your lives if you trust your author. You can skip the deaths of both of your parents …
MH: What?!?
LB: I know I know. It sucks but what are you going to do? The good news is that Mr. Bell leaves you so much money you can basically throw it at Mr. Thornton when his mill fails and he faces bankruptcy. You get to be The Plucky Heroine! That’s cool, right?
MH: I…I’d make a good Plucky Heroine…
LB: Right! And remember when your mom told you about The Facts of Life? About shutting your eyes and thinking of England?
MH: Well…yes..
LB: Let’s just say I am pretty sure you won’t be thinking of England.

–Fin–

Let’s recap, shall we? What did I learn? I didn’t really learn anything, except that Lizzie and Darcy should double-date with Margaret and Thornton. But I bet Thornton would fight Darcy for the bill.

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